I figured it was finally time to confess. No, I am not Chief. But I will admit that everything I learned about nutrition came from Weird Al Yankovic, Board certified Musicianal Nutritionist. That whole “independent health and nutrition exploration” thing was really just a cover-up. I’ve never read any of the books I claim to have read. I just listened to every word of every album produced by Weird Al Yankovic, and developed my health and nutrition philosophy from it. I am indeed a graduate of the WAYS Nutrition Program. I had excellent grades as well, graduating Dim Sum.
In today’s post, we take a glimpse into the exciting and pioneering health and nutrition insights offered up in song by Yankovic, M.D. (Musical Doctor). Yankovic gives some sound advice, particularly on the dangers of overconsumption of sugar, but it is hard to get a clear grasp of his nutritional philosophy as a whole…
Weird Al is actually a bit of a dietary prophet in my view, but I'm concerned that he leans towards the 30bananasaday crowd when he states, in Eat It, to...
"Have a banana, have a whole bunch, it doesn't matter what you have for lunch, just eat it."
But he sends some mixed messages in the song Taco Grande when he says...
"I love to stuff my face with tacos al carbon, with my friends or when I'm all alone."
In the same song he notes gluten intolerance in the form of physical addiction...
"My only addiction has to do with a flour tortilla, I need a quesadilla."
But he does show signs of weight gain when eating to appetite...
"I eat uno, dos, tres, cuatro burritos, pretty soon I can't fit in my Speedos."
He also suggests that white flour is fattening in the song Lasagna when he claims that eating more Ravioli...
"You will get Roly Poly, a nice-and-a-big-a like your cousin Luigi."
Yankovic also appears to have Bulemia as well, that is triggered by Bologna specifically...
"Never gonna stop, eat it up, such a tasty snack I always eat too much, and throw up... my, my, my, my, my, whoo! Mamamama my bologna!"
But my greatest concern is over Yankovic's sweet tooth...
He claims to love "the white stuff in the middle of an Oreo" and acknowledges that "you might get a pimple or two" and "his teeth are rotted clear through."
And he has mentioned problems with sugar addiction in the form of Rocky Road ice cream as well, and has been known to have "a gallon” in a single sitting, which he shows marked enthusiasm for by adding an emphatic “baby” after “a gallon.” He also encourages others by requesting that you "have another triple scoop with me." He consumed plenty in the privacy of his own home as well, and not just with others. When he’s all alone, he just grabs himself a cone.
Yankovic seems to have battled lifelong weight fluctuations as well, being so fat at one point that he claims to have needed “his own zip code,” which he presumably treated with the Grapefruit Diet if his song “Grapefruit Diet” is any indication.
And, on the topic of Circadian Rhythms and late night eating, I find this set of lyrics to be particularly revealing – perhaps being central to his tireless struggles with obesity…
I'm never satisfied with three meals a day
While the world is sleeping I'll be munching away
Gonna sneak into the kitchen, gonna tiptoe down and turn on the light
Right, yeah, if no one's around to see you
It don't matter if you snack all night
A million chicken bones are under my bed
A pile of Twinkie wrappers all 'round my head
Jelly doughnuts to the left of me
Got a bag of chocolate chips on the right
Right, yeah, if you don't mind the calories
It don't matter if you snack all night
Yankovic even appears to have spent time in the localvore scene getting some real, local foods. Is Yankovic a member of the Weston A. Price Foundation? Perhaps. He has “churned butter once or twice” during his time in what I assume is Lancaster county Pennsylvania, better known as “Amish Paradise.”
He might perhaps be into eating high meat as is commonly practiced by Aajonus Vonderplanitz, as his refrigerator is apparently filled with food that is unidentifiable and "living" as this lecture suggests...
And, if you are a woman and you find a strange desire to want to eat during the middle of the day, not really having a desire breakfast or dinner or brunch, there may be an innate biochemical reason for it. According to Yankovic's pioneering research, "Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch."
Anyway, it’s an interesting discussion. Below I’ve included some of Yankovic’s most powerful lectures on diet and health for further study. His treatise on Rocky Road in particular is very inspirational, and speaks to the power of sugar addiction, the uniquely fattening property of ice cream, and the impacts of sugar on dental health...
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